Oh no, here it comes……. Insert, mushy moment! The moment I married my husband my future changed. All of the sudden my eternity became brighter and somewhat more exciting. But in all seriousness…… keep reading and you will see what I mean.
I have had some good, best friends throughout my life. Friends who I laughed with, cried with and discovered many things in which I should not being doing- with, type of friends. I raised two beautiful and amazing daughters. Well- really we never stop raising our kids. Those relationships bring me much joy and comfort in different times. My heart is truly overwhelmed with the wonderful amazing people in my life. I have been married before, 15 years long. However, my brain and heart never connected to a person in a ‘oneness’ sort of way. I have always longed to connect with someone so deeply, that in hard times/trials no words needed to be expressed for someone to understand me. For someone who longed for ways to help me to understand my daily battles and help me on my own pathway, instead of telling me what to do. For someone who looked for opportunities to fill my love bucket to always be overflowing. For someone who understood the importance of an eternal eye and making decisions to lead our family back to our Father in Heaven. For someone who understood the necessity of binge eating chocolate once a month. For someone who understood how much it meant to just be held when I cried. The list can literally go on and on…. And I am sure many of you have your own list.
There was a point in my life where I gave up on wanting this relationship, companionship and eternal bond. I lost myself and just decided that was foolish. It was foolish to think such things could exist. I spent a lot of time trying to fix myself to be the perfect person, then maybe I could be loved better??? I fell into a dark place, a place devoid of hope for my inner self. I still had many friends and I have enjoyed almost (come on right) every moment of being a mom! But what I am talking about is my self love. I tricked myself into believing that I should not hope those crazy things, that I needed to accept the love that was offered to me and maybe if I tried hard enough then my hopes and dreams would change. My marriage fell apart and honestly it should not have happened. I kinda forced my ex husband to marry me, I just wanted to be that wife. A wife with a husband who adored her. But what I have learned, is you cannot force something that was not meant to be.
When I married my current husband, my gorilla (yes that is my nickname for him, maybe some day I will share how it came about) I felt every eternal ounce of love he has for me. He connects with me in a way that is more easily felt than talked about. Through his love for me I have relearned to love myself. His love for me is eternal, with an eye single to our Father in Heaven. We each have our own battle wounds and through the scars we are able to lift each other and love each other tenderly. Our hearts and minds are connected in a way that is still magical to me! My husband is one of the reasons I am starting this blog. When my husband looks at me and tells me I am beautiful, I believe him. His love has healed many wounds and I am grateful for him!
Thoughts of love and happiness will be to all of you my friends. May you find (maybe you already have) your best friend, your forever companion, your eternal love!
Benevolent Beauty By Bobbi
#mybestfriend #mygorilla #husbandsloveisbenevolent
PS- While we were dating we talked a lot about how we envisioned our marriage and life to be like. We wanted our marriage to be founded upon LOVE. We knew that this foundation would help heal our wounds, allow forgiveness and soften our hearts to each other. We did read The Five Love Languages, to learn each others love languages. It has truly been an amazing tool in our marriage. We have this daily/weekly/eternal goal to always fill each others love bucket! Yes, I know it sounds all mushy. However, I have learned that loving my husband how he needs to be loved truly gives me great pleasure. When someone feels loved, they in turn offer a love so pure and welcoming. Far too often we try to love others the wrong way.